Sunday, January 29, 2006


Often I get stuck. I get in a situation and can't see my way out. I rely on my own strength and ability to dig my way out. I get frustrated and angry then take it out on anyone in my path. As I continue to pray for the Lord to work on my attitude, tone of voice and sharp tongue, He directs my daily reading in the Word to verses that are meaningful and enlightening. I can see that I was protecting myself by getting in the first strike. Why would I think that my husband wanted to hurt me and why would I want to hurt him? Why am I not fully trusting the Lord to take care of me?

This has always been a problem for me. Whether it's my pride or just wanting to be in control, I have such a problem with just taking things as they come. I have the illusion that I can control a situation. I say illusion because intellectually, I know that no one is really in control of people, places or things. I usually react to a disappointing or unexpected situation with frustration and anger which is obvious in my voice and words. I want to take it easy but I take it hard. When I was talking to Diana the other day, she reminded me that "if it's difficult, you aren't trusting the Lord".

Each day, I pray to Jesus to guide my thoughts and actions so that I will trust in Him and rely on His Strength to acheive my new goals. I have to report that I felt I had some measure of success last week. Yet, my husband said to me on Friday, "You were sure bitchy this last week." I was shocked and humbled. I felt I had held my tongue, moderated my voice to a kinder tone. I prayed a quick prayer so that I could accept his criticism without defending myself and also without getting insulted or angry.

Don't want to be stuck any more! Lord, I pray today to be bendable to Your Will. Mold me & shape me into the best I can be. I pray to stay open to Your changes in me.

1 comment:

Diana said...

One of my favorite songs ever is by Nichole Nordeman and I aways hear her soft voice singing, "I know that time brings change, and change takes time" from her song "River God" Here are all the lyrics. It's from her album "Wide Eyed":

Rolling River God
Little Stones are smooth
Only once the water passes through
So I am a stone
rough and grainy still
Trying to reconcile this river's chill

But when I close my eyes
and feel you rushing by
I know that time brings change
and change takes time
And when the sunset comes
my prayer would be just this one
that you might pick me up
and notice that I am
just a little smoother in your hand

Sometimes raging wild
sometimes swollen high
never have I known this river dry
The deepest part of you
is where I want to stay
and feel the sharpest edges wash away