Often I get stuck. I get in a situation and can't see my way out. I rely on my own strength and ability to dig my way out. I get frustrated and angry then take it out on anyone in my path. As I continue to pray for the Lord to work on my attitude, tone of voice and sharp tongue, He directs my daily reading in the Word to verses that are meaningful and enlightening. I can see that I was protecting myself by getting in the first strike. Why would I think that my husband wanted to hurt me and why would I want to hurt him? Why am I not fully trusting the Lord to take care of me?
This has always been a problem for me. Whether it's my pride or just wanting to be in control, I have such a problem with just taking things as they come. I have the illusion that I can control a situation. I say illusion because intellectually, I know that no one is really in control of people, places or things. I usually react to a disappointing or unexpected situation with frustration and anger which is obvious in my voice and words. I want to take it easy but I take it hard. When I was talking to Diana the other day, she reminded me that "if it's difficult, you aren't trusting the Lord".
Each day, I pray to Jesus to guide my thoughts and actions so that I will trust in Him and rely on His Strength to acheive my new goals. I have to report that I felt I had some measure of success last week. Yet, my husband said to me on Friday, "You were sure bitchy this last week." I was shocked and humbled. I felt I had held my tongue, moderated my voice to a kinder tone. I prayed a quick prayer so that I could accept his criticism without defending myself and also without getting insulted or angry.
Don't want to be stuck any more! Lord, I pray today to be bendable to Your Will. Mold me & shape me into the best I can be. I pray to stay open to Your changes in me.