Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control
My niece wrote a comment on my post "The Lord Knows What I Need" that really struck a chord with me. So much so that I copied, printed and put it into the bible that I read every day. I was so worried about controlling my sharp tongue and I thought I was doing it--white knuckle effort on my part, I might say. But when my husband told me that I had been bitchy last week, I saw that thru my own efforts, I am unable to have Self Control. I asked the Lord to help me guard my speech and control my emotions. He gave me what I needed but in a different way than I expected. It came from someone who is 30 years my junior! As Diana wrote to me to notice that Self Control, as a fruit of the Spirit, was last on the list. She said that what is in our heart fires what comes out of our mouth.
It was revealed to me that what was in my heart was not right when it came to my husband(or others, for that matter). I see that pride and self-righteousness still reside in my heart. I wrote on Veronica's blog about televangelists who become impressed with themselves and are humbled by the Lord. Today, I see that I was holding on to a belief that I am better than other people (particularly my spouse) because I am a Christian and I am saved. Most of my life, I have held a high opinion of myself, which got me a long way in my career. Over the last several years, after I was laid off from my job in management, I became bitter. I held resentment in my heart, while smiling on the outside. I hardened my heart to protect it from disappointment as I took a less prestigious job. Bitterness and resentment, two thorns in my heart, festered and were hardening my heart a little more every day. I see how the Lord has been mightly working in my life with the blogs I read and this one that I write.
Just when I think I know everything there is to know about myself, the Lord shows me the deeper layers. He is freeing me from the bonds that I have put on my heart. I am excited to see what the future holds as I take Jesus' hand and walk closer with Him. I am meditating each morning on the fruits of the Spirit and praying for the Lord to remove the thorns from my heart.
Lord, Jesus I give you praise and all the glory for the changes that are happening in my life. Take this old heart like stone and soften it up. Humble me, break me, mold me into a person who lives to do Your will.