I got my daily email from The Purpose Driven Life. I can't believe how good God is. It was exactly about what I struggle with.
“It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success come from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5)
John Fisher writes: "I think every Christian struggles at one time or another with this truth. Spiritual growth is a constant struggle between what we do for God versus what we do in God. ......what we do for God by ourselves -- what we do relying on our own resources and our own ingenuity. We may even make it sound good because we are doing it for God, but unless it is of God and from God, it will not be ultimately successful. All great Christian endeavors fall into this trap at some time. We want to control the outcome.
So how do you know if you are dealing in the success of God’s power? You are at risk; you are Johnny on the spot; you are way over your head; you are not completely sure what you are doing; you are acutely aware of your own weaknesses; you have ventured into a place where, if God doesn’t show up, you are a dead duck. Believe it or not, this is what the Bible calls: “walking in the Spirit.” (Don’t you love it?)
Welcome to the adventure. It’s kind of fun, actually. Once you jump in and believe in someone other than yourself and what you can control, you discover a whole new resource."
Controlling the outcome--yep, that's the trap I fall into in all endeavors that are not done in the Lord. I hate to takes risks, am never in over my head, alway want to be sure of what I am doing and play it safe. I have to admit it for what it is. It's not fear as I had previously thought it was; it's pride and lack of surrender to my Heavenly Father. That's why I thrash about, get frustrated and angry and end up being a poor witness. I am praying for the Lord to "take me down", like I would to a dog to get him to submit. This is my adventure with the Lord--releasing control.
Lord, bend me, mold me, break me and control me. Teach me to surrender and submit. I want to walk in Your Ways. I am ready for the adventure.