I can't believe someone would put a bulldog in a bikini! I needed a laugh today and this picture always makes me laugh--out loud!

I'm having visitors again, because my husband is at the races and won't be home until Monday. So I managed to talk my mom and son to come for a quick visit. This time, maybe my son and I can go the the Wildlife World Zoo. We never made it last time they were here. Our weather is perfect for a zoo visit, as it's been in the high 70's, even in the low 80's in the daytime. It gets pretty cool at night, sometimes dropping down into the mid-30's, but to me that's good sleeping weather!

When they get here, we are going "to town", driving the 25 miles into Avondale. When I say going to town, I always mean Goodyear and Avondale--never Phoenix. I try to avoid going there as much as possible. It's got worse air quality than Los Angeles and the traffic stinks too. There's no good time of day to drive into Phoenix, but rush hour is horrible. There's always accidents(in my opinion, because truck--even tractor-trailers can drive in any lane and have no restrictions on speed limit). Think of L.A. traffic with a tractor -trailer in the fast lane going 65 to 80 mph. Then come to a screeching halt--where's he gonna go but right over the top of you.

I have no idea why I was talking about traffic, except I took Phil to Chandler to Firebird Raceway yesterday and I was anxious to leave so I would miss the after work traffic. I left the track at 2:30pm and only had a few slow downs. The Phoenix valley has extreme pollution alerts fairly often, because there is nowhere for the bad air to go unless there is a breeze or wind. As soon as the wind lays, the bad air settles in. I am glad that we live "in the sticks" cause we still have clear air. NO RAIN for 130 days. That all the news talks about - it's some kind of record.

Goofy blog today. Not a very spiritual day for me, I guess. More concerned with worldly affairs today. Working on the house. Getting walls spackled where I took all the pictures and fans down. I rearranged the great room a little bit too.

Lord, I love and worship you. I praise you for other Christian women's blogs, like Diana, Veronica and Amy. I pray for spiritual strength to keep moving forward holding on to your strong hand.

Yes, Virginia, There Is A God

Guess I don't know how to put pictures on this blog. I can do one just fine, but putting 2 didn'y work out so well. The one with the pink is more to the north of us and the other is directly out my kitchen window at the sink. I was going to put several pictures of the sunset that I look at nearly every night out my living room and kitchen windows on this posting, but with the dial-up connection I have, it would take too long to put all of them up. A couple of nights ago, I was preparing dinner and I looked out my kitchen window and saw this sunset. One of the reasons that I got a digital camera was to take some pictures of the spectacular sunsets that we get. I know people say this all the time, but the actual event was even more beautiful. I'd need a better camera and a way bigger space to put the picture to actually give you and idea of how really beautiful this sunset was. Every evening's sunsets are beautiful. It's just that sometimes I miss the sunset altogether. Or sometimes, I get a last glance of a really pretty sunset, just before everything in the sky loses all the color and goes grey.

I love that the Lord shows me the beauty in nature. I am constantly surprized and delighted by the naturally stunning things in nature. How can someone look at that sunset or a flower or a butterfly and most of all, at how wonderously humans are made and not believe that there is a God? I see His Hand all around me. I feel His Spirit in me. I read His Word and He speaks to me as I pray and listen for the Still, Small Voice. I know within me, I am made to worship the Lord and I am incomplete and unfullfilled when I choose otherwise. When I move away from God, I get unhappy, I know something is missing and I try to fill it with something from the world. Anything that I put in that missing space, never fills it. The further away I go from my Heavenly Father, the colder and harder my heart gets. I try to soften it up on my own, and I meet with failure.

Reaching out to Jesus, my Lord and Shepherd and letting Him lead me on His path is the way that my life is serene and fulfilled. I cannot find anything else that makes me feel this way, except to be in communion with my Lord. I know this and pray that I will not forget it--ever.

Here It Comes! Now What?

You are buried up to your neck in the sand and you don't know how you got like that and here comes the big wave.

Thanks to journalling in this blog and reading other Christian women's blogs, I have had major revelations from the Lord about the way I had gone the wrong direction. I had taken the reins of my life from Him and was busy burying myself up to my neck in my own selfishness. And here comes the big wave of self-pity and feeling of victimization.

How do I get away? Pull my arm out of the sand and reach for the Lord. Long before we moved from the coast of CA to the middle of the desert in AZ, I knew was that I was terribly unhappy. I was unfulfilled in my job and didn't really care to much for my spouse. He didn't like me much at this time either. I had become bossy, nagging, nasty-tempered and unpredictable. If he tried to say anything helpful to me, I got insulted, often bursting into tears. My mental state was in turmoil and I was not sleeping well. I was a mess. I would pray for others but not for myself. Something was wrong with me and even though it was apparent to everyone, I still denied it. I thought that I was the victim of circumstances--but I didn't recognize that I was the one who had set up those events. So, what better time to run away. We sold our house and moved to the desert west of Phoenix.

Once we moved in, the same scenario started all over again. Except, now, I was unable to find work. Here I was stuck at home, in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. One day, I could not take the way my life was going any longer. I cried out to the Lord that I wanted to die--but really I just wanted O-U-T of the situation. What did I want? I didn't know. I went into the Lord's hands broken and humble(finally). I sincerely admitted that I was prideful, thinking that I could direct my life and my spouse's. I asked the Lord to take control of my life, all of it. By prayer and meditation, little by little the Lord has revealed to me what I need to be doing--not all of it, though. I trust Him each day as I pray to show me the way to go through that day. He led me to reading my neice's blog and from her blog to other Christian women's blogs. He led me to Billy Graham's website and to Annie's Armor of God and to The Purpose Driven Life online. I decided that I must read the Bible every day and it has paid off as the Lord leads me meaningful verses that affect my life. There are daily miracles of revelations, pure joy and serenity.

I'm doing the leg work and the Lord has given me His strength to find self-discipline. I check the paper for jobs, sending out resumes, trusting the Lord will direct me to the perfect job. We are selling our house in the middle of nowhere and moving closer to the big city. In preparation for the sale and move, I have been going through possessions and realizing how much importance I have placed on having things. I have been a packrat and have spent way too much money on collecting things, buying too many things and loading up the house and MY LIFE with things. Part of the stress in my life has to do with things. Getting things, having things, dusting things, finding places to put things and getting rid of old things. The word from the Lord for me today is "simplify". I am going to learn how to sell things (my collections) on E-Bay. I will begin to divest myself of so many "things".

I am excited, Lord, to simplify my life. I pray for your guidance in doing this. And Lord, continue to make this weak and lazy person that I am, into someone supported by Your strength, experience discipline and resolve.

Valentine to the One Who Means the Most

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Valentine's Day is about love, isn't it? I pray for friends and family, God's Love on this day and all days.

When I was a teenager and young adult, I thought love was that feeling that gave me butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't wait to see that person again and there was an ache, almost a pain in separation. When I saw them, my heart would leap, beating fast. I became lightheaded and hypersensitive to every word and expression of my beloved. When those feelings went away, I thought that I had fallen out of love. That person became a non-entity, someone that I couldn't get away from fast enough.

Now I understand that feelings fool us. Love isn't a feeling, it's an action, a choice, a commitment. My feelings can get me into trouble. I most often "feel" love, contentment, serenity, anger, frustration, disappointment, disgust and dislike. My feelings are strong and can pull me up and down like a roller coaster. I can be up on a cloud one minute and down in the pit of despair the next minute. I have learned that the ups and downs are just part of the circus in my head. Feelings and emotions don't get me through life, they complicate it. Love today is a choice to put God's love for me into action. I have not yet learned to love unconditionally, but daily(and even hourly)give up control to the Lord by placing my emotions/feelings in His Hands.

I always had very strong emotions and my feelings would overpower me. Today, with God's help, I understand that I chose to not have self-control(completely different than trying to control others, BTW) over my emotions and developed a bad habit of having outbursts of emotion. I used to say, "Oh well, that's just how I am", but now I see that I was being selfish and lazy when it came to expressing myself. I didn't care how it affected anyone else, I just spewed out whatever passed through my head. In my heart, I was holding a lot of resentment and bitterness for what I perceived had been done to me(the victim). Now, little by little, The Lord is revealing my character flaws to me and giving me a chance to change them through His grace.

My Valentine today is to my Lord and Savior, Redeemer and Gentle Shepherd, Jesus. I love you, Lord and give you all the praise for the changes you are working in my life.

Visitors and Illuminations

I just love this picture. I scanned the card that my son gave me about 10 years ago on Mother's Day. I like to scan my cards cause that way I can keep them without the paper.

Speaking of mothers, mine has been with me all week. My husband has been gone all week and my aunt Norma, my son, Chris and Mom have been with me since last Monday. It's been really nice and even though we didn't do any of the sightseeing that I had lined up, we still had some very relaxing time together. My Aunt went home yesterday morning.

Mom is the older sister of Norma and they argue all the time. They argue about everything and most of the time they are arguing the same point but from different directions. I got to see how it seems to my husband when I want to argue with him. It is tiresome! The Lord just keeps bringing me miracles. He shows me what I need to work on by illustration in everyday life. I am finally seeing and hearing these things because I have opened myself up to it through prayer(my own prayers and the prayers of others on my behalf--thank you all!)

I am also finally seeing that life doesn't have to be a series of struggles because of my desire to be in control of it. The struggle is taken out of life when I lose my deathgrip on control(or rather the illusion of control). It's a hard habit to break--but that's all it is--a bad habit.

With prayer and the Lord's guidance, I will break this bad habit--I can feel it coming.....Halleluia

It's For Your Own Good

Don't make me go there!
Sometimes, just because I can't have my way, I grab the door frame and won't go thru a door that the Lord opens for me. It's a control issue, of course! That's the battle I fight every day. I want to be led by the Lord but if I don't like where He is leading, I won't go thru it. Or sometimes, I go thru it, resenting having to do it or kicking and screaming.

I know it's for my own good and I know that it's the way I should go, but instead I choose my own way. The more I practice doing it the Lord's way, the easier it will become for me to follow His lead. The very hardest thing for me to do is to make my husband the head of our house. Today's culture says, "I earn the money, I have a right to say what's done with it". I have a sense of entitlement to direct our marriage. I can see that if I make my spouse the head of the house instead of constantly struggling with him over which way is the right way to do things, that both of our lives would run more smoothly. It is up to me to change my attitude with prayer and supplication to the Lord. Only He can do an attitude adjustment on me. I have tried on my own a zillion times with no success.

Lord, Jesus, today I pray for You to take my attitude about control and adjust it to Your standards. I release the stranglehold I have on controlling situations and people and lay this burden on You. Mold me, Lord.

Here's The Real Issue

This is funny, but so true! This is just the seatbelt that I need when we are driving. I cannot refrain from telling my husband how to drive. I try to read a book or work crosswords to keep my eyes off the road, but usually I manage to look up and make some comment about his driving. If you've every watched the British comedy called "Keeping Up Appearances", I can be compared with Hyacinth telling Richard, "Watch out for that pedestrian" or "Turn here". It's funny to watch it on television, but not so funny in real life. It annoys me when my husband tells me how to drive or complains about how I drive, but when he is driving, I feel free to comment and warn at any given moment. I am an uneasy passenger in any vehicle, car, bus, train and plane. I have said that I am afraid of flying, but my sister told me that if I was flying the plane, I wouldn't be afraid. It's a more a matter of control rather than fear. She's absolutely right!

Now that I am praying for the Lord to lead me and having a spirit of willingness to be led, it seems that every time I read the bible or an inspirational book, or listen to the Christian radio station, something jumps out at me! I was reading in Genesis, which referenced a verse in Galatians. I turned there to read and saw the thought for the day written by Rebecca Manley Pippert, Titled, "More Myself" "Christianity isn't a narcotic that dulls you into obediance. It involves battle--IT'S EXCRUCIATING TO GIVE UP CONTROL. But that is why we must not feel despair if we are struggling. To struggle does not mean we are incorrigible. It means we are alive!"

This is just what I am working on in my life through the Lord's leading. He gave me this verse in Galatians 5:1--"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." The slavery for me is the desire of control. That affects how I speak to my husband, so doing the battle of my speech pertains also to control.

Thank you Lord for leading me and giving me a spirit of willingness to be led.

The Fruits

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control

My niece wrote a comment on my post "The Lord Knows What I Need" that really struck a chord with me. So much so that I copied, printed and put it into the bible that I read every day. I was so worried about controlling my sharp tongue and I thought I was doing it--white knuckle effort on my part, I might say. But when my husband told me that I had been bitchy last week, I saw that thru my own efforts, I am unable to have Self Control. I asked the Lord to help me guard my speech and control my emotions. He gave me what I needed but in a different way than I expected. It came from someone who is 30 years my junior! As Diana wrote to me to notice that Self Control, as a fruit of the Spirit, was last on the list. She said that what is in our heart fires what comes out of our mouth.

It was revealed to me that what was in my heart was not right when it came to my husband(or others, for that matter). I see that pride and self-righteousness still reside in my heart. I wrote on Veronica's blog about televangelists who become impressed with themselves and are humbled by the Lord. Today, I see that I was holding on to a belief that I am better than other people (particularly my spouse) because I am a Christian and I am saved. Most of my life, I have held a high opinion of myself, which got me a long way in my career. Over the last several years, after I was laid off from my job in management, I became bitter. I held resentment in my heart, while smiling on the outside. I hardened my heart to protect it from disappointment as I took a less prestigious job. Bitterness and resentment, two thorns in my heart, festered and were hardening my heart a little more every day. I see how the Lord has been mightly working in my life with the blogs I read and this one that I write.

Just when I think I know everything there is to know about myself, the Lord shows me the deeper layers. He is freeing me from the bonds that I have put on my heart. I am excited to see what the future holds as I take Jesus' hand and walk closer with Him. I am meditating each morning on the fruits of the Spirit and praying for the Lord to remove the thorns from my heart.

Lord, Jesus I give you praise and all the glory for the changes that are happening in my life. Take this old heart like stone and soften it up. Humble me, break me, mold me into a person who lives to do Your will.

Stuck!

Often I get stuck. I get in a situation and can't see my way out. I rely on my own strength and ability to dig my way out. I get frustrated and angry then take it out on anyone in my path. As I continue to pray for the Lord to work on my attitude, tone of voice and sharp tongue, He directs my daily reading in the Word to verses that are meaningful and enlightening. I can see that I was protecting myself by getting in the first strike. Why would I think that my husband wanted to hurt me and why would I want to hurt him? Why am I not fully trusting the Lord to take care of me?

This has always been a problem for me. Whether it's my pride or just wanting to be in control, I have such a problem with just taking things as they come. I have the illusion that I can control a situation. I say illusion because intellectually, I know that no one is really in control of people, places or things. I usually react to a disappointing or unexpected situation with frustration and anger which is obvious in my voice and words. I want to take it easy but I take it hard. When I was talking to Diana the other day, she reminded me that "if it's difficult, you aren't trusting the Lord".

Each day, I pray to Jesus to guide my thoughts and actions so that I will trust in Him and rely on His Strength to acheive my new goals. I have to report that I felt I had some measure of success last week. Yet, my husband said to me on Friday, "You were sure bitchy this last week." I was shocked and humbled. I felt I had held my tongue, moderated my voice to a kinder tone. I prayed a quick prayer so that I could accept his criticism without defending myself and also without getting insulted or angry.

Don't want to be stuck any more! Lord, I pray today to be bendable to Your Will. Mold me & shape me into the best I can be. I pray to stay open to Your changes in me.

The Lord Knows What I Need

Yes, He does. Incredible how things turn out. After asking for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I began with my NIV women's devotional bible to study, beginning in Genesis. The second day, the devotional reading was by Gladys M. Hunt. At the bottom, it lists additional scripture readings. It showed James 1:13-15. By the time I turned to James, I had remembered the starting verse as 19 instead of 15.......so I read:

"Everyone shoud be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" I continued on to verse 26: "If anyone considers themselves religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on their tongue, they deceive themselves and their religion is worthless."

In a previous post, I had written how my tongue had gotten me into trouble. I have a very sharp tongue and can be downright hurtful, rude and nasty to the people I love. This was something that the Lord laid on my heart and I had begun to pray for. I wanted to be able to speak kindly to my Spouse and Mother, no matter how frustrated I got. It's one thing to admit that I am just like my Dad--my manner of speaking can cut like a knife, and hurt loved ones. I have always used the excuse (in my mind) that I am truthful and that I have the right to state my opinion. In fact, I have come to see that I have escalated from being opinionated to being hurtful. I argued with everything my spouse had to say. I realized after confessing this sin, that it had become a bad habit. I saw that I had become the opposite of what James is writing about. I was angry, frustrated and depressed. I was unable to get control over my emotions and would spew them out at any given moment. It caused bad feelings (even though I would apologize as soon as possible) between my spouse and I. The depression came from the anger turned inward because I was unable to control myself.

I started praying before reading the Word for insight. Each morning now, I read these verses and want to memorize them. With the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I have been able to stop comments from coming out. Slow to speak! When I pause and consider the comment I was about to make, I can see if it is argumentative or inappropriate. The first time I held a comment back, I started to cry from the effort of holding back and as my hubby tried to ask me why I was crying, I only cried more! I realized that I was trying to do it with my own power--the effort seemed overwhelming. With more prayer, the strength of the Lord lifted me up and the next two times I was able to keep silent.

Lord Jesus, my prayer today is that the Holy Spirit who dwells within me, guards my tongue. If I keep my eyes on you, Lord and rely on your strength to control my emotions, I can speak kindly and with love to everyone. All Praise to you Jesus!

Thanks and Praise This Morning

Moonrise over Mom's Yucca Valley, CA
PSALM 29 V 1-4
Ascribe to the LORD, O mighty ones, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.
The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic.

As David watched a storm with lightning and thunder, probably over the Mediterranean Sea, he was inspired to write this psalm. Everyday I can find something in nature to marvel at the glory and wonder of God. Before we moved to the desert, I thought of it as a barren place of one color. I have found

I used to long for the green of Oregon and Washington's coastal areas, saying that's where I always would want to live. My husband longed for the warmth and sunshine of the desert. Throughout our whole marriage, I refused to move to the desert. Then...........I got older and all the aches, pains and arthritis came to visit and then live permanently in my body. Living on the coast of California on dry, sunny days, I was fine. But when that "June Gloom" (which sometimes lasted from January to August) set in or when it was raining or foggy, I was in pain. I began to understand why all the "old" people moved to the desert. I knew why there were "snowbirds" who fled to Quartzite, AZ during the winter months. BTW, we do get rain--it's called the monsoon season, which lasts about 6 weeks or so in Sept/Oct. They are some incredible, powerful storms that are amazing to watch from the safety of our home.

I've lived here for 8 months and I love it. I wouldn't live in any other climate. I marvel at the colors of my surroundings and the ability of plants and animals to adapt to the extremes of climate. Last night, it was 27 degrees, today, it will be 70 degrees. The weatherman in Phoenix has commented on how much our area needs rain. We've gone without rain for 95 days. Rain? Phooey! Hey, this is the desert! There is beauty all around. The majestic saguaro cactus, the blooming Palo Verde covered with yellow blossoms, even the greasewood bushes with their tiny, greasy green leaves are beautiful. There are the incredible desert foxes with their gigantic ears, the stealthy coyote who keeps the vermin population to a reasonable number. The cute kangaroo rats(they look like off-white gerbils with a fluff on the end of their long tails). Snakes, you ask? The only one I have ever seen was a red racer(non-venomous) in the road near our house. There are supposed to be a couple types of scorpions, but we have only seen one (non-venomous) when we lifted up our wood step.

God is good to me. He knew what I needed before I knew what I needed. He knew that I would come to love the clear, sunny, dry days. I am one of those people who respond to daylight. I love the long days of spring and summer. All my life, I have dreaded, what I call the long descent into darkness--the short days of winter. A walk out in the sunshine can pep up my day. It uplifts my spirits immensely. I praise the Lord each day for giving me all that I have to be thankful for. Thank you Jesus, my shepherd, for guidance.

The Book of Daniel

It's a new TV show. I read about it in Time magazine under the title, "Prime Time Religion" Here's the synopsis: "WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, MANY Christians ask themselves, What would Jesus do? The Rev. Daniel Webster goes straight to the source: the dude with the beard, flowing hair and robe who rides shotgun in his car. "Let it play out," comes the answer from the Son of God. Then he adds, ''You're tailgating'. Daniel (Aidan Quinn), an Episcopal priest in an affluent New York City suburb, has a lot to talk about. His son Jimmy has died of leukemia; son Peter (Christian Campbell) is gay; adopted son Adam (Ivan Shaw) is bedding the teenage daughter of an influential parishioner. Daniel's daughter Grace (Alison Pill) was busted for dealing pot. His mother has Alzheimer's. His boss the bishop (Ellen Burstyn) has been riding him. His brother-in-law has disappeared with $3 million of church money. To take the edge off, Daniel has been turning not only to Jesus (Garret Dillahunt) but also to a stash of Vicodin pills. Father knows best? More like Father has a little helper. Its content-did I forget to mention his sister-in-law's les­bian affair? his wife's martini habit? the adulterous bishops?-has already drawn the ire of the American Family Association (AFA), a conservative cultural watchdog group, which charged that the show "mocks Christianity."

I put up with "Highway To Heaven" and "Touched By an Angel" by never watching. I'm sure that"7th Heaven" must make real pastors cringe. The God who spoke to "Joan of Arcadia" was so non-denominational, it made Him seem ineffectual. Now they are actually portraying Jesus and putting scripted words into Our Lord's mouth! I haven't actually seen the show, but I am incensed that anyone would dare do that. This is a comedy, so they'll be going for laughs! And, yes, we Christians did have "The Passion of the Christ" and sort of with "The Chronicles of Narnia"(an allegory--nothing directly about Jesus). But they've hit us with the "Da Vinci Code", a novel, soon to be a movie, with Tom Hanks. And Ann Rice, popular writer of Vampire and Witch novels, has now written a novel about Jesus' early years.

BEWARE, CHRISTIANS!

I believe the tv show, The Book of Daniel was inspired by Satan. Satan is doing anything these days to pull us away from our Lord. This is the "new" deception. This is insidious and sneaky. I am so enraged by this television show that will reach millions. It's a wolf in sheep's clothing. There are also many "documentaries" these days that are trying to deceive the masses into believing that Jesus is not God, that the Bible is just stories or that God is a mere figment of our imaginations.

Lord help me to keep my eyes on You. Let me kneel at your feet and worship you. You chose me and I choose You. I am your child--let me fill my mind with Your Word instead of what the world presents thru the media.

How To Put On The Armor Of God

HOW DO WE PUT ON THE ARMOUR OF GOD?

This is from a small book entitled "Spiritual Warfare" by Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa, CA. In the 70's this is the place that was first a little chapel, then a big tent and finally a large church. It was in the little chapel, that I first accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

READING

"Reading is our first and most simple approach to the Scriptures. Perhaps we begin in Genesis and go right through to Revelation. On our way the Holy Spirit is slowly but surely reprogramming us and creating in us a Christ-centered world view. By consistently reading through the Scriptures we are being trained by the Holy Spirit to think spiritually. The Lord is imparting to us the mind of Christ. The better we know the written Word, the better we'll know the Living Word; the Lord Jesus Christ."

MEDITATION

"Meditation is our next approach to the Scriptures. Meditation of course includes reading but goes much deeper than that. The word meditate means to ponder. It means to talk to oneself. That's what we're to do with the Word. We're to think about it. We're to talk to ourselves about it. We're to talk to the Lord about it. Meditating differs from reading because it takes more time and greater concentration. When meditating on a portion of Scripture, I'm praying over it and at the same time asking myself questions. To whom was this written? What does it say? How does it apply to me? What are some other Scriptures that relate to what's being said? When meditating, I usually have a pen and note pad handy in order to jot down anything the Lord might say to me during that time. "

STUDY

"Studying the Bible is something that every Christian needs to learn to do. The difference between reading and meditating on the Word and studying the Word would be the use of certain study helps or tools. By tools I mean things like: concordances, Bible dictionaries, Bible handbooks, commentaries, etc. I exhort you to thank God and take full advantage of it. In whatever way is best for you, make Bible study a regular part of your life and know that in doing so you're further equipping yourself with the armor of God."

MEMORIZATION

"My final word in relation to putting on the whole armor of God is Scripture memorization. Committing the Word of God to memory is indeed a vital part of putting on the whole armor of God.There's no better way to assure the Word of God is abiding in you than by memorizing it. Start by reading over and over again the Scriptures that speak most powerfully to you. If need be, write them down on a piece of paper and read them several times over each day until they become part of you. You'll find that those particular verses will be powerful resources in your overall arsenal of spiritual weapons."

PRAYER

"The Christian soldier now stands fully dressed for battle. However, he is still not ready to fight. He lacks two essential things to victory--skill and strength. Although a soldier may be equipped with the best of weapons, if he is without skill and strength, victory is uncertain at best. What physical fitness and mental preparedness are to those fighting in the natural realm, prayer is to the Christian soldier. Prayer is the final piece of the Christian soldier's armor. Prayer is the assurance that the Christian soldier is fit for the fight."

What we did this weekend in California

SUNSET IN YUCCA VALLEY, CA

I came home from California with a cold/sore throat, probably from staying up too late and getting up too early both on Friday and Saturday nights. This is the view from my mom's front door at sunset. It was so beautiful.

Thank you, Father for giving me this sunset.

The weekend was fun. After I took this pic, my son and I went to see King Kong. I love big epics and always would like to see them on the big screen. At the price of a movie today, I reserve my moviegoing to seeing only the movies which would not translate well to DVD/TV viewing. King Kong was one of those, for sure. I really liked it.

We got up early and headed to Orange County to visit friends and go to the Super Street awards banquet. Had a really nice day and an excellent time at the banquet. Got to see some people I hadn't seen for a long time.

My head is all stuffed up and it's affecting my brain. I can't seem to think clearly. I had ideas of writing something about a new television show about a pastor who sees Jesus, but will reserve that for another day. Pray for me, please that this isn't the influenza that is taking down 50% of the people in the Phoenix area. I was unable to get a flu shot as I am not over 65 or a high risk patient. Better stop writing for now, as I am rambling......

Out of town

My spouse and I have gone out of town and this is my last chance at a computer. Have a blessed weekend and I pray for all who read this blog. Can't wait to get home to write again!

Today, I see that being unemployed since June has changed me. I never realized that so much of my identity was tied to what I do, not who I am. My self-discipline was tied to my job, so I haven't been using my time well. I have become lazy both in thought and deed. I have become fearful. For example, I needed a new handle for my La Z Boy chair, because the old one broke. I looked on their website and it directed me to find any store, take the broken handle in and I would be given a new one free of charge. When we arrived at the store, I began to experience the dreaded, “what ifs”. What if they won’t exchange it, what if they say I need my sales slip (which I no longer have), what do I do then? Of course when I went in, they said they’d be happy to replace it!

I am once again, fearful of going to an interview for a job. I admit that today, aware that I could have applied for a job that was close to where I am moving and had benefits too. Monday and Tuesday I chickened out on going in to that office by telling myself that the job must have already been taken. I say to myself, “They won’t like you because you are too old and overweight.” Any excuse to get out of putting myself out there. This fear on an intellectual level, seems so silly. They will either like me or they won’t. I have the qualifications and would be an asset to their company. I need to put on the armor of God and chase fear out of my life!

I need to discipline myself each day and consciously put on the whole armor of God as Paul says in Ephesians 6:10-18. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when that day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm, then with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With all this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.”

I should look at the teddy bear that my dear Diana and Joseph gave me for Christmas. He is bedecked in the full armor. I think I will move him to my bedside table so that I can see him each morning when I wake up.

Lord, Jesus, give me the grace to accept your perfect love which casts out all fear and to put on the armor of God so that I may take hold of my life on earth as a good steward of the gifts you have given me.

Walk Humbly, Act Justly, Show Love and Mercy

Now what? That's how I feel sometimes, like I'm chasing my tail. I learn life lessons and really feel like I have accomplished something. I can rest on my laurels. Why do I forget that life is journey, not a goal.

In all my running around, in all my crowded life, as I try to find more things and more activities that will make God pleased with me, Micah 6:8 creeps in and defuses my noble but mistaken intentions. Look at the verse, what do you think I could bring before the Lord of the universe? What could I possibly do to impress Him? What could be the teaching and heritage that I could leave behind with all the people I come in contact with? Looking at me what would be their impression of how God means us to walk through this world? This is the beauty of the passage:

"What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Everyone knows what justice is. Every toddler know how to love kindness and mercy. And children also are good at walking humbly with God. Maybe it's because they haven't done anything "Great" for God yet. Or maybe in their young lives they haven't done anything so bad that they feel the need to make up for it. Whatever the reason children have the wonderful ability to accept the gifts of God at face value without arrogance or embarrassment.

As we mature to adults, we do struggle with it. Pride in our accomplishments in this world moves in. We become the sum total of our ability to acheive. The world rewards us for a "job well done". It feels good to receive accolades and soon that becomes our goal. Pretty soon we are chasing our tail and there's not enough time or energy to reserve for prayer time, reading the Bible or going to church. Then we stop and wonder why life seems so empty. There's never enough time. Depression sets in. We are burned out. We get sick. Type "A" behavior to the extreme that I take it never works--it sets up a vicious cycle.

If I walk humbly with Jesus, my shepherd and let Him do the leading, I can accept His goodness, His tender grace and His unfailing mercy, I can turn to others in love and mercy and be just. I can encourage others to do the same.

Dear Jesus, your mercies are new every morning. I want to accept your Love and Grace so that I can pass them on.

The Blessing of Journalling in This Blog

Yesterday, I was inspired to write a little about fear. Afterward, I decided to look on the internet to get some information on it. I found a book called Embracing Fear (and finding the courage to live your life) by Thom Rutledge. I gleaned a few things from some of his quotes that rang true with me.

Here’s one: “Fears drain us of primal energy and they certainly distract us from work and personal relationships. I believe that fear has become a bad habit for most of us. Maybe it is a side-effect of our techno-efficient world. In other words, maybe we have too much time on our hands and too much exposure to violence both in the news and melodramas”.
The reason this rang a big bell when I read it, is that my husband and I are addicted to detective shows, both the non-fiction and fictional. With satellite tv, we have an unbelievable amount of those shows that we can watch. In addition, we watch the news which originates from Phoenix. At first, I was appalled by the amount of violence that goes on in that city. My spouse said, “No there’s not more violence than Southern California, it’s just that the Phoenix newcasters report more violence.” Maybe that’s true, but sometimes the news is so violent, I ask him to change the channel.

I am a type “A” personality. For instance, when I was working, I always worked long hours, took on additional projects and was high rev all the time. I was told years ago by a doctor, that I am an adrenaline junkie. Anything that I do, I do at full speed, whether it’s housework, crafts, and yes, actually driving. I am working on the driving part! Now I set the cruise control at 5 mph under the speed limit.

I am just now realizing that part of my fears are the bad habit that Thom Rutledge wrote about. Since I am currently unemployed, I stimulate myself by watching all the horrific things that go on in our world that are reported on the news. I watch detective shows about murders and all sorts of mayhem. I watch “police case file” shows about real events. I have increased my coffee intake by double. It takes more and more cups of coffee to give me that “buzz” I like to feel at the start of my day.

Wow, has the Lord blessed me with insight! This is definitely something to work on. I am going to take a prayer-walk and consider these new revelations.

Lord, bless my prayers and walk today. I give you all the glory and honor for the insight I had today.

Turmoil in and around you are evidence that you are still alive.

I’m starting to get back to normal. Normal for me is motivated, proactive and positive. I was having a freak-out (due to fear) because my husband was having tooth surgery on Friday and was going to be under anesthesia. This is what I learned about myself from this incident: I say out loud and in my heart that I trust the Lord. That Jesus rules in my life. In reality, as exposed by my feeling about the trip to the oral surgeon, I cannot let go of my fear. It exhibits itself in many ways. I become nervous, excitable (not in a good way), clinging, weepy and bitchy. I had this undercurrent of fear about what could happen to him while he was under anesthesia. He could die, since he has breathing problems and there’s always a risk, even for a healthy person. I don’t want him to die as an unbeliever. But do I set a good example by resting assured in the Lord? No, I worry and fret.

All my life, I’ve been a worrier. I can talk a good story about how worry cannot change anything. Cast my cares upon Jesus. I say that I trust in the Lord to take care of my life. But then comes the time to walk the walk--I stumble and fall down into the abyss of fear. Fear creeps in, truly, before I realize it and I start “acting out”. I argue with my spouse and then cry. I get angry and upset for no reason at all. I yell, I curse and then turn that anger inward and suffer depression. Everything looks black. There’s no reason to go on. Despair hits—I am hopeless. I finally pull my head out of the muck long enough to see my situation and pray for help. The Lord listens to my prayers and at that point, I throw my worries and cares upon Him.

Why do I have to go through all that before I let go? Is it stubbornness, habit or pride? Must I always struggle? Do I secretly enjoy the struggle? As Dr. Phil says, “You have to identify the payoffs and use them as motivators. For instance, how many people do you know who are stuck in a job they don't like or have simply outgrown? They want out but... What keeps them there? Simple. They are stuck in a comfort zone, and the payoff is that they don't have to worry about the risks of change. You have to create your own motivation, and it has to be strong enough to leave your comfort zone and make the changes you need.“
How are fear and worry my comfort zone? It’s what I know. It’s how I have always coped with life. I fall easily back into old coping mechanisms whenever I don’t use proactive behaviors and practice my faith. I get lazy just for one day and then it’s 2 days and then it’s a week. It’s just like exercising: If you don’t use it, you lose it. So as I finish this post, I am going to don my walking clothes and head out for the mailbox. As I walk, I will pray.
Lord, Your love casts out all fear; let me be willing to accept Your perfect love today.

All Wound Up Today

Harry the Shih Tzu at the table.

We had just finished Christmas morning breakfast. This table setting was still there. He hopped up on the chair, certain, that since all the people who sat at the table were served food when they sat down in front of a place setting, someone would surely do so for him. It didn't work out that way. No one put any food for him to enjoy. In fact, right after this picture was taken he was put back down on the floor. Doggies are ever hopeful. They never get discouraged by circumstances. They live in today. They live to please their master. They will follow him anywhere, because they trust him. They keep it simple.

Trust is a big issue for us humans. Building trust with someone else or trusting myself is difficult. Experiences tell me not to trust anyone until they prove themselves. How much do they have to do to prove themselves, though? Could they have ulterior motives, selfish motives? They could be manipulating me for their own purposes. Aren't they looking out for number one? I should do to them before they can do to me. Read something into every word they say. Don't trust what you read, hear on the radio or see on television. How do you know what to believe? How do you discern truth?

This is just one of the hundreds of issues I think about. I get so wound up when I think about deep issues. My mind starts spinning with every facet of the issue, all the facts, all the feelings start whirling around until I cannot see it clearly any longer. I get what I call, the circus in my head--hundreds of thoughts twirling similtaneously, like a juggler with hundreds of balls in the air. I think and worry about all kinds of things, not just deep issues. My mind is crowded with concern and worry. My spouse's dental procedure and accompanying anesthesia(Will he be ok? There's always a risk with being put under, you know) and how expensive it will be. Which spins off into: both dogs need their teeth cleaned(how much will that cost?). Which spins to: I need to find a dentist here and get my dental cleaning and check up. Which spins to: My spouse's medical tests next week(Will they find anything wrong?) Which goes to: We both need to lose weight. (We are both carrying our weight on our bodies in the worst place-the middle. We need to start exercising). An what about the terrorists? What about the earthquake or tidal wave somewhere? This could go on and on, winding up until I am beside myself. This is what contributes to my insomnia. If I let it start when I wake up in the night, there will be an hour or two of trying to wind it back down. I try to pray and the other thoughts keep intruding.

What can I do? Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Cast my cares on Him, lay my life before Him. Let the Lord be the Master of My Fate. Keep it simple. Don’t let thoughts and worry consume me. Those thoughts and worry keep me from my walk with the Lord as surely as sin does. Random thoughts and worry cannot solve anything. I do not have control over people, places or events--I need to remind myself of that. I cannot change anyone but myself and my reactions. I need to pick one thing at a time, that I have control over and do something about it.

How do I get stuck? Fear. What casts out fear? The love of God. How do I get the love of God? Simply by accepting it. Why do I find this so difficult? That's the ultimate question. I know there are Christians out there who rest assured in the Lord. They find their walk natural and easy. Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.” Why do I struggle so in my walk with the Lord? I know it's of my own choosing, but how do I choose to walk on Jesus' path instead of going off wandering into the desert of my own making? I want to choose the path and yet sometimes I do the opposite of what I want to do.

I need to see that growing spiritually is not climbing up to what I perceive as perfection in others, but rather doing what I do with genuine devotion. I can't even come close to emulating the women I admire. But I can grow spiritually in simple and essential areas by reading the Bible regularly, attending Church, praying often and choosing to walk with Jesus. The desire to achieve perfection makes me feel inadequate, when in reality I am always good enough in God's eyes. I am not perfect, just forgiven. Paul said in 2Corinthians:9,10 "But He said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong".

Lord, today I to claim my weakness and Your strength.